A Very Vargas Christmas
by Emily Woodstone
Summary: After a long year of organized crime, Feliciano found a way to relax and thank everyone for their hard work. And what better way to do that than Christmas time? Filled with love, hate, jokes, Christmas, and killing, this is, as always, a very Vargas Christmas. And if you haven't met the Vargas's yet (wow, two movie title spin-offs), then check out my other story "In Italia". Thanks


_Hello! This is a Christmas tale about the Vargas family Christmas! Taking place about a year ago, of course. I'm sure you were all waiting to hear this. It will be interesting, won't it be?_

_Not likely._

_I wasn't asking you Lovino! Besides, I'm telling this to Ludwig, and anyone else who wanted to hear it._

_I want to hear this! It was so much fun!_

_Grazie Antonio! It was fun, wasn't it? Alright, well here's the tale of the Vargas Christmas. Andiamo!_

No one knew why they were called to a meeting so early in the morning. Antonio had come down and knocked on everyone's doors, telling them they needed to go downstairs. Still in their night clothes, they all grudgingly went downstairs.

And every one of them was met with a surprise.

Feliciano was standing in the middle of the living room. The fireplace was lit, several stockings hanging from it. Instead of the usual trophies and guns hanging over the fireplace, were instead various Christmas decorations and a wreath hanging on the wall. The simple white carpet and classic Italian couches were decorated even more. The coffee table in the middle had cookies and milk on it, and was also decorated with cheesy Christmas ornaments.

And there was Feliciano, standing in the middle of the floor, holding a glass of unmistakable rum.

Wearing a pirate outfit.

Everyone's mouths dropped. Antonio and Feliciano smirked.

"Yo-ho-ho and a bottle of eggnog. Ye all be ready for a treasure hunt?" Feliciano began. "Antonio recommended that I set the mood by wearing his old pirate outfit. And honestly, I'm loving the outfit, but love your reactions more. And this rum aint half bad, either."*

"Feliciano" Lovino breathed. "Treasure hunt? What in the world is going on?"

"Don't you know?" Feliciano laughed. "Today's Christmas day! I wanted to thank all of you for your hard work and dedication this year."

"You didn't have to do all this." Arthur yawned.

"You're right. I didn't have to. But I wanted to. And besides, treasure hunts are fun. So get locked and loaded, because you'll need your guns for this one.

"The goal is easy. Use the hints I give you to find your gift. Get rid of all obstacles in the way. Your first hint, along with everything you need, are in the stockings behind me. You all have your own gifts, but some of you will need to work together to get to them. This is your mission."

At those four words, they all snapped to attention, grinning wildly in anticipation.

"Now go!"

Everyone rushed to find their stockings, hungrily digging out and examining the goods inside. Antonio (who was standing off to the side the whole time) remained where he was. Feliciano walked up to him.

"Antonio, what are you doing standing here? Aren't you going to find your stocking?"

Antonio looked surprised. "Eh? But I helped you plan all this."

"So? You're part of the family too. You really thought I wouldn't work behind your back to get you a present too?"

Antonio instantly lit up and rushed to the fireplace to find his stocking.

Once everyone was done, they eagerly waited for their next instructions.

"Well?" Feliciano asked, taking a quick sip from his mug of rum, then setting it down on the table. "Aren't you going? You all have your first hints. Go!"

They all looked confused. "But we're still in our night shirts." Roderich spoke up. "How do you expect us to go into town looking like this?"

Feliciano got a wicked grin that suddenly frightened everyone. "It's Christmas morning, isn't it? Children around the world wake up and instantly open their gifts, while still in their night shirts. So you have to, too."

Everyone looked so surprised that Feliciano couldn't help but crack up.

"Any questions?" he asked.

"This is just for your entertainment, isn't it?" Mathias asked, a little suspicious.

"Part of it, si."

"Feliciano, you're insane" Lovino said, shaking his head.

Feliciano beamed. "You'll see soon, I'm actually not. Well, if there aren't any more questions, then get going." Slowly, they all began to situate themselves, getting ready to go. All of them laughed in anticipation, wondering what kinds of gifts Feliciano got for them all. Feliciano pulled Honda Kiku, the Consigliere, to the side. "Hey, Kiku."

"Hai. What is it Don Feli?"

"You're still using that broken gun, aren't you?"

"Hai. I was meaning to get a new one."

"Don't bother." Feliciano pulled out his own gun, handing it to Kiku. "You can use mine for now."

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah!"

"Arigatou gozaimasu, Don Feliciano."*

Feliciano laughed. "I told you, you don't have to call me Don. Just Feliciano. But it's no problem! No go, I think you'll like your gift." With that, Feliciano disappeared into the kitchen, while the others filed out of the house.

The first hint led to town. Some walked. Most filed into the car and went their separate ways when they reached town. Roderich's first hint was the same as Elizabeta's, so they were stuck together. Felix was with Toris, Lilli with Vash, Mathew with Im Yong Soo, and Lovino with Antonio (go figure). Heracles, Kiku, Arthur, and Mathias were left on their own.

First stop: Heracles. His was simple. The first hint was three words: local pet store. Heracles knew right away what he had to do. Some poor cat was obviously in danger. When he got there (there was only one in the area) Heracles found he was right. The place was in ruins. A person was dead on the floor. And several more were being held hostage by some guys in masks. Heracles pulled out the gun that was in his stocking and advanced carefully. And there it was, in the back, a beautifully wrapped box with holes punctured in it. Heracles knelt down and opened it. Inside was... a staff. A beautiful Greek staff, like the Gods and heroes of ancient Greece would use. And along with the staff were probably all the cats and kittens in the store.

"We'll look after them for you." a voice said. Heracles instinctively turned around, whipping out his gun and his new staff. The guy in the burglar's mask took a step back and ripped his mask off. "Watch it! Hey, we're on your side. We were hired by Feliciano to do this for you. The three of us owed him a huge favor. You're Heracles Karpusi, right?"

"That's right."

"Good. We'll take care of the cats, and you can come back and get them later. If I am correct, you have another hint in there." Heracles knelt down to the box, petting one of the cats as he searched through, eventually finding a piece of paper. It was in Feliciano's hand writing. Heracles smiled at the note and stuffed it in his pocket.

"Thank you. And the people?"

The men smiled. "We were instructed to tell you to get rid of any and all obstacles preventing you from getting your gift, or your next hint." Heracles once again smiled.

"Understood. I'll take care of it." With a good swing with his new staff, the employees were all dead.

On to Kiku! Kiku's hint was hard to figure out. All it said was "meet a friend at the store you love most". Kiku had several stores that he found interesting, but no stores he loved. And all of his friends were in the Vargas family, and all of them went off in different directions. Of course, there was that one store. But Kiku didn't dare go in it. Because he knew that as soon as he went in it, he would never go out.

"Hey." Kiku whirled around at the sudden greeting, drawing the gun Feliciano let him borrow. Behind him was Heracles, holding a staff and a random cat on his head. Kiku lowered his gun and smiled.

"Konichiwa. Where did you get the cat and staff from?"

"It was my treasure hunt gift. There are more cats, but I couldn't bring them all."

"I see" Kiku said, staring at the cat that was sleeping contently on his friend's head. "And what are you doing here then?"

Heracles smiled. "My next hint."

"Oh? But if you already got your gift, why do you get another hint?"

"Because my next hint was to help you search the Cherry Blossom store to find your gift." Kiku fell silent. That was the store. The store that held some of the most valuable Japanese items in all of Italy. It was the only place for miles and miles around you could get a real samurai sword. "Kiku?"

"Hai?"

"Come on. The store is just around the corner. Let's go." Kiku smiled and happily followed his strange friend with his new cat.

Antonio and Lovino: "We're lost."

"No we're not. It should be right around here."

"Just face it, you fucking tomato bastard. You have no idea where you're going."

"Be patient Lovi! I know exactly where we are." Lovino scowled again at the hint that his brother gave him. "_Go with Antonio_". And that Spanish bastard refused to even show Lovino what the hint he got was. Antonio wasn't even searching the buildings anymore either. He was looking at the street for some unknown reason, scanning the stone pavement like his damn life depended on it.

"Got it!" Antonio's sudden shout made Lovino jump. But a second later his scowl returned as he marched over to Antonio.

"Well? What is it?"

"Sorry to make you wait Lovi! Last week I dropped my tomato keychain here. I was worried someone stole, it but it's still here. Here's our hint." Antonio held out the piece of paper from his stocking out to an even more angry Lovino, who tore it from his hands.

Lovino looked over the piece of paper, and read it out loud. "Go back to the place you first met me and Lovino. But don't tell him till you get there. Your gift is inside. PS I saw your keychain there the other day. Did you lose it?" Lovino's scowl was replaced with surprise, his cheeks turning red. Antonio smiled.

"I remember exactly where we first met, Lovi. And I even remember what I said."

Lovino was now trying to back away, his face getting even redder. "Antonio... don't you dare..."

Antonio grabbed Lovino by the arm and pulled him close, Lovino too stunned to even fight anymore. Antonio said the same words he said when he first met the two little Italian boys. "Well, I don't think I have seen a more beautiful blushing boy in all my life. Vamos a entrar, ¿de acuerdo hermoso?"* Antonio pecked Lovino on the cheek, and dragged them both inside the restaurant.

Lilli and Vash: They walked down the street, Lilli staring nervously at her note, Vash walking expressionless next to her.

"S-So..." Lilli nervously began.

"You cut your hair."

Lilli stopped breathing for a second. "W-what? Oh, uh, yeah. I cut it last week."

"I liked it when it was long."

"Huh? But... you've never talked to me before."

"Yeah. Sorry about that. I don't talk much."

"I-it's ok. But I wonder why Feliciano put me with you."

"I don't know. Maybe he thought I could help you. Or maybe he thought you could help me. I've seen you in action before. You're not a good fighter, but you're very good with your hands."

"Oh, uh, thank you! I like sewing a lot. I made this night dress all by myself."

"It's very nice. You should wear it outside."

"Really? But it's for sleeping at night."

"Yeah. It's nice enough to wear in public."

"Thank you! That really means a lot to me."

"No problem. Now, do you know where you're going?"

"Oh, yeah. It's at the sewing shop around the corner. You?"

"It just says that I should stick with you. So you know where you're going?"

"Yeah. See? We're here!" Lilli cheered. She walked into the sewing shop, Vash standing a little bit behind. Lilli screamed, and Vash ran in.

Inside were some men who had grabbed Lilli by the hair, holding a knife to her throat. Vash slowly took out his gun.

"You want your little girl back, you have to go through us."

Vash smiled. "Gladly." Two men rushed at him. Vash unlocked the safety and pulled the trigger, shooting both of them in the head. They fell to the ground. The one holding Lilli began to move, but Vash quickly swung his pistol around and shot him in the head. Lilli squealed and fell to the floor, covering her face.

Vash walked over to Lilli and offered her his hand.

"Are you ok?"

Lilli looked up. "Y-yeah... I'm fine. Just a little scared is all."

"Did they hurt you?"

"N-no." Lilli gave him her hand, and Vash picked her up. "Thanks for rescuing me."

"It was no problem. But I doubt that was our gift from Feliciano."

"Yeah, he would never do that. So I wonder where our real present is?"

"I wonder. Are you sure you're ok?"

Lilli looked up at Vash and smiled brightly. "Yeah! Really, they didn't hurt me at all. It just surprised me is all." Lilli looked over the store and saw an envelope with a pretty ribbon on it on the counter. "Look over there Vash!" Lilli ran over to it, Vash following slowly behind.

"It's Feliciano's handwriting."

"It is. Let's see what's inside?"

"Let's." Lilli tore into the small envelope, to find three pieces of paper on top. Lilli read it out loud.

"Sorry Lilli, your present isn't here. But you'll get it soon. Vash, if you haven't found it already, your gift is behind the counter. Your next hints are on the other papers. Good luck to both of you." Lilli handed Vash the piece of paper with his name on it. "mine says 'help whoever is there'. You?"

"Mine says 'find the restaurant with the blue envelope'."

"Shall we go then?"

"One moment." Vash went behind the counter then pulled out a gift wrapped box. "Alright, let's go." Vash headed to the door, but Lilli stayed.

Vash noticed she wasn't there, then turned around. "What's wrong?"

"Oh! N-nothing. I just wanted to say... t-thank you again. For saving me. It means a lot."

"It was nothing. I'm sure you would've done the same."

"I probably would have been too scared."

"I think you're stronger than you look."

Lilli smiled, blushing slightly. "H-hey."

"Yeah?"

"C-can I call you... big brother."

"..."

"U-unless it's too weird! I can just call you Vash."

"I'd like that. The big brother one. Let's go, little sister."

Lilli smiled brightly and bounded over. "Alright big brother!"

Felix and Toris: The two set off together, unsure of exactly where they were going.

"So, like, let me see if I have this right. My hint says to follow the one who has a paper of another color."

"Yeah. And the hint I got was on a blue piece of paper, with nothing but 'find something with the same color'. Which isn't a very good hint."

"So, like, what exactly are we looking for? Is it another piece of paper like this? Or is it some building with the same color?"

"I have no idea." Felix kept talking, but Toris ignored him. Eventually he ran into someone familiar.

"Hey, is that... Vash!"

Vash and Lilli turned around. "Oh. Hello." Vash said. "We found our first hint, but we're looking for our second one."

"Have you guys found your gifts from Feliciano yet?" Toris was calmly covering Felix's mouth, finally getting him to shut up.

"Not yet. Well, Vash has, but I haven't." Lilli piped up.

"What's your next hint? Maybe we can help each other."

"Maybe. Our next hint is 'find the restaurant with the blue envelope'." Vash said.

"My hint was a continuation of his." Lilli said. "It says 'help whoever is there'."

"Blue envelope..." Toris looked over his hint. "Oh! I think the blue envelope is my next hint! We can look for it together." Toris let go of Felix and they set off together.

Now we're going to go to Roderich and Elizabeta:

"Well, this is just great." Roderich mumbled. "An hour into Christmas and we haven't gotten anywhere. Oh, and one more thing. I'm still in my night clothes!"

"Honestly, just stop complaining. Your night clothes still look like you're in formal wear. And I'm sure you're the only one still caring about that. At least you got a good hint. Mine just says 'find the blue piece of paper, and look in the kitchen'. Really, I don't even know what that means."

"You know, my stocking was right next to Toris, and the paper that he pulled out looked blue. I thought it was just my imagination though. It still could be."

Elizabeta, ignoring half of Roderich said, lit up. "I know where Toris went! Let's go find him and ask him!"

The two found Toris (well Elizabeta did; Roderich was just really being dragged around against his will), and found that Felix, Vash, and Lilli were there too.

"Hey guys! What are you doing?" Elizabeta asked.

"Oh, hello." Toris answered. "We're trying to find out where our hints lead. You?"

"Same! Hey, by any chance Toris, was your hint on a blue piece of paper?"

"Hm? Yeah, how'd you know?"

"Yay! Alright, now we need to find a kitchen!"

"Well, I don't think we'll find a kitchen without a restaurant or something." Roderich said.

"We're looking for a restaurant!" Lilli cheered. "Would you like to join us?"

Roderich and Vash were about to say 'no way', when Elizabeta burst out of nowhere "Of course! let's go!"

Lilli was the first to spot it. A fancy restaurant with a blue envelope taped to the inside of the window. Everyone rushed inside and asked the cashier about the envelope.

"I don't know" the cashier answered. "A very handsome young man left it here last night. Said it was for some friends of his that were dropping by today. Someone named Toris, Lilli, and Elizabeta?"

"That's us!" the three cheered. The lady at the cashier smiled and picked up the envelope, bringing it over to the group. Elizabeta tore it open. Inside was a piece of paper. It read: "The treasure is inside the restaurant. Roderich, go with Elizabeta to the kitchen. Lilli and Felix's is in the gift shop. Toris, go to the back. You all know what to do."

They smiled, pulling out their guns.

"This is going to be fun." Felix said cheerfully.

"Just protect Lilli, Felix." Vash said. Lilli smiled at her new brother.

"I'll be fine, brother, don't worry." Lilli smiled.

The cashier screamed.

It was around noon when everyone made it back. Now a tree was sitting in the corner, and an odd shaped table covered in white cloth on another corner. Feliciano wasn't there yet, and no one could figure out where he went.

"Do you know where he went Lovi?" Antonio asked.

Lovino shook his head. "I figured you would know, you seemed to know at least a little about what Feliciano was doing." Antonio now shook his head.

"I just helped him with a few presents and locations and stuff."

Suddenly the door swung open. In it stood Feliciano, wearing a silk red suit with a green shirt and a white tie. It would have looked tacky on anyone. But somehow, it looked great on Feliciano. Everyone's mouths dropped. This time he was smiling broadly and holding a glass of eggnog.

"Ciao everyone! Did you enjoy the treasure hunt?" Feliciano was swarmed.

"Feli!" Antonio cheered. "Two tickets to San Fermines and three booked spots for La Tomatina? How'd you get these? How'd you even know?"

"You told me once that you wanted to go to these two. They're in Spain, aren't they?"

"Yeah! But I told you that about six months ago? You actually remembered?" Feliciano merely smiled.

"I figured you and Lovino would like them. But I'm coming with you to La Tomatina. That looked amazing!" Antonio gave Feliciano a big hug.

"Gracias Feli! I'll be sure to bring you. But, you didn't want to come to San Fermines?"

"No, I thought you and Lovino would like to do that together." Antonio smiled even bigger and was about to say something else when Lovino pushed him out of the way.

"Ciao fratello! Did you like the gift I got you?"

"Feliciano, how in the world did you know? I've wanted to get my hands on these for the longest time now, but I don't recall ever telling you."

"It was actually just a total guess. I suppose I just know you too well." Lovino smiled and hugged Feliciano.

"Grazie fratello."

Their hug broke and Kiku and Heracles walked over. "Konichiwa Feliciano."

"Ciao Kiku. Do you like your present?"

"Hai. This is real Katana, is it not?"

"And the Japanese fan. I got them both custom ordered, so they should last you a while. But you know more about this stuff than I do, so I hope you like it!"

Kiku smiled. "I love it. And I appreciate you going through all the trouble to get me this. It is much appreciated, and I will use it well."

"I'm glad to hear that!" Feliciano laughed. "And you Heracles? I see you're loving those cats."

"I am. This was a very nice present. Thank you."

"No problem!"

Feliciano went around to everyone (who had by now found the eggnog and cookies and other treats), asking them how they liked their gifts. Lilli and her new sewing materials and red and green ribbons. Arthur and these strange magic books that Feliciano found in England. Felix and this dress that he had already put on and was showing off to everyone. Elizabeta and her frying pan (good for cooking, and hitting people over the head with!). Mathew was excited to get a jar of maple syrup and a Canadian stuffed toy bear called kumajiro (or was it something else... Mathew couldn't remember, even though he just named it).

The last person Feliciano got to was Roderich.

"Roderich! H-hey, why the long face?"

"Oh nothing, really. I just couldn't find my present."

"Hm? Oh! I completely forgot!" Feliciano tromped over to the front of the living room, standing next to the table covered in white cloth. "Everyone listen up!" All conversation stopped as everyone put their eyes on Feliciano. "Now, everyone but Roderich has their presents, right? Actually, I just needed Roderich to be gone so I could bring his in. And I'm sure Elizabeta appreciated the help." Elizabeta and Roderich looked at each other and smiled. "Here," Feliciano paused, grabbing a handful of white cloth. "Is your present Roderich." He tore of the cover, revealing a grand, white piano. Roderich balked.

"I-I don't know what to say..."

"You don't have to say anything! I wanted everyone to know, because I figured we could enjoy some songs played by our dear friend, Roderich." Roderich instantly beamed, pride and happiness obvious on his face. "So Roderich, will you play us a song?" Feliciano laid one hand on the piano, grabbing a guitar that was sitting behind him with the other. Roderich strolled over to the piano, pulling out the bench and sitting at it, taking a moment to look at the piano and smile at how perfect it was.

The whole afternoon was spent drinking and singing, Roderich and Feliciano leading all the songs. At first everyone just sat back and listened, but then they started joining in the singing. The drinks eventually slurred their words. The whole night was too much fun.

By the end, everyone was just talking. Feliciano checked the time. 11:51. The day was almost over. Roderich just finished playing "Silent Night" on the piano. Feliciano smiled. The day was a success, and everyone made it so much more fun than Feliciano could have possibly imagined.

"Feliciano." Lovino snapped Feliciano out of his thoughts.

"Eh? What is it Lovino?"

"The kitchen. Arthur got to it. We need your help in here." Feliciano sighed. It was always bad news when Arthur was in the kitchen. Especially when he was drunk. Feliciano quickly looked around before heading in, hoping for someone else to help. But everyone was gone. Lovino must've gotten to them already. Or they were in the other room, passed out. Feliciano sighed and put down his drink, then headed into the kitchen.

Feliciano's eyes widened as he was met with fourteen smiling faces and one large picture frame (turned backwards, you see).

"Buon Natale, Feliciano. E grazie mille per tutto quello che fai." Lovino said. Feliciano had no idea how to react, so he merely stared. They all smiled and looked at each other, then turned around the painting. Feliciano gasped.

"You... you all got me an original painting from my favorite artist? How... how did you...?"

"Merry Christmas Feliciano!" They all said in unison. Feliciano smiled, and ran straight to Lovino, tackling him with a hug that nearly sent both of them over. Lovino laughed.

"Grazie mille, fratello!"

"E 'stato un piacere. Of course, everyone did pitch in." Lovino let Feliciano hug him for a few more seconds before groaning. "Come on Feliciano, cut that out. Let go of me."

_Even though you were still laughing and smiling._

_Shut up you fucking bastard!_

_So that piano is a gift from Feliciano to Roderich, then?_

_That's right Ludwig!_

_And the painting now over the fireplace was your present, right Feliciano?_

_Yep!_

_Last year really was the best Christmas we ever had._

_It was Antonio. The only thing that could've made it better was if Ludwig had been there!_

_Hey! Get your hands off my brother you fucking potato eater!_

_What sort of insult is that? I don't think I've ever been called that before._

_Lovino! Stop being mean to Luddy!_

_I've definitely never been called that before I met you._

_Hey, Feliciano, maybe you should explain some things to the people listening to our story._

_Ooh! That's a good idea Arthur! Hm.. where should I start? Oh! the pirate outfit I was wearing at the beginning of the day. That's a reference to Spain's former pirate days. And rum is an old stereotypical alcohol that pirates used to drink. And when Kiku said "Arigatou Gozaimasu, Don Feliciano." He was saying thank you very much basically. And 'Don' is just pretty much the title for the leader of a mafia family. When Spain says to Lovino "Vamos a entrar, ¿de acuerdo hermoso?" he's saying in Spanish "Let's go, ok beautiful?". And my present to Spain, two tickets to San Fermines and three spots reserved for La Tomatina. Those are just two really great holidays in Spain (which you don't actually don't need tickets for; just book a flight and hotel way ahead of time, and of course be actually brave enough to do it). San Fermines is basically running with the bulls, and trying not to get trampled. La Tomatina is a huge festival, that is focused around a huge tomato fight. It's a lot of fun! The sword I got for Kiku is a Katana, a Japanese samurai sword. And when Lovino says to me "Buon Natale, Feliciano. E grazie mille per tutto quello che fai." it means "Merry Christmas, Feliciano. And thank you for everything you do." And yet again when Lovino says "E 'stato un piacere" it means "It's my pleasure," or "it's been a pleasure". And I think that's about it!_

**Thank you everyone for listening to my Christmas story! I hope you all liked it! If you are reading this and have no idea what it's about, then give my other story a try, called "In Italia". It's about the mafia and everything. It's a lot of fun. Thank you all for your time! Bye! Sincerely, Emily Woodstone, and of course all of my friends in the Vargas household!**


End file.
